Faith and Fear

Cast all your cares upon him; for he cares for you 1 Peter 5:7

I can't tell you how it feels to be afraid of the "C" word but I am. I can't tell you what its like to fear and worry about having to tell my four children that I have something wrong, this is not normal I fear that its cancer but I do. I know that thousands of people every year go through this battle every day but I don't and have never in my 44 years had to be concerned about this. I have been going through pain and test for the past year. The pain gets worse and the test are not showing anything. The doctor is wanting to do more test. I have prayed and have had prayer, I do have faith in God and believe in his power of healing. My mother in law finished her final round of radiation today and is cancer free, Praise God!.

I will tell you though I may fear the "C" word but I do not fear much else. I am a very independent person. I was born into this world two months early, so I came into this world fighting. I had an infection in my eyes at birth the doctors didn't even know if I would be able to see. But until a few years ago I had 20/20 vision. I was a fighter then and always have been. There is nothing like cancer or any kind of sickness going to get me down. Let me just tell you folks a little about me that you don't know. I have three brothers and two sisters. My sister left our house to live somewhere else when I was young, I don't even really remember them living with us. So I was raised basically with my three brothers (two older and one younger) (Dwayne, Eric and Shoun). So I was not a girly girl until much later. I played football, rode horses bareback, climbed trees, fished and anything else my brothers wanted to do to get us all in trouble. We were always doing something. I sure love those three brothers. We tied a rope to one of the calves and it pulled us through the pasture on a sled. We got into a lot of trouble for chasing the bull . We fought our other cousins (fist fights) all the time. These are just a few of the good times I remember with those brothers of mine.

I am not really the worrier in my family, I leave that to my husband. I try to pray and leave it to God and that is what I choose to do. I will focus on the good things in life and the good memories that I have. I have a great family and great friends. There are millions of strong people who battle cancer everyday that are strong as nails. If you have cancer yourself or your family has cancer you are affected by it you are strong. Pray for a cure for Cancer.

Fear not for I am with you..Isiah 41:10

She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future... Proverbs 31:25

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For A Reason

All things happen for a reason I truly believe this. From the time I was a kid to now as an adult I can think back to special people that was placed in my life and things that happened. We all probably sit back and say someone was watching over me that day. For example: I remember one Easter Sunday my brother Dwayne drove me and my sister Loria to the local Assembly of God church in Warner Oklahoma for the Sunday night service. After the service we were on our way home, my brother drove the car off the road into a ditch. We weren't buckled in. I busted my head open on the light in the on ceiling of the car and blood was everywhere. We didn't go to the hospital, I'm sure I had a concussion. I was probably 10 years old maybe. If this would have happened today we would have been buckled up and we would have gone to the hospital. Another time I was 16, I was dating my boyfriend we were leaving his church on Sunday night again not buckled up setting in the middle of the front seat. He ran the stop sign totaled his car. Someone was watching over us that day. It could have been way worse,we all walked away. (Just so you know I buckle up every time I get in a vehicle now.)

You know as an adult I look back at some of the stupid things I did as a teenager and I think "Its a miracle that I made it and God must have really been watching over me". I'm sure we have all done that. I believe there is a bigger picture maybe we are going to be responsible for something amazing in our linage. Or maybe we are just supposed to be the parent of the best kids on earth or the wife to the best husband or the mother in law to two great girls, or just maybe I'm supposed to write a blog to help encourage other people who may also not be 100% sure what it is were supposed to do here on this big earth.I do know that God put us here and we are going to make the best mark we can letting people know that Jesus loves us all and there is a reason we are here.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is the woman at the well. Jesus wasn't ever supposed to talk to her because he was a Jew and she was a Samaritan. He is such a merciful God.

John 4 NLV - A Woman of Samaria at the Well - Jesus -

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7 A woman of Samaria came to get water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.” 8 His followers had gone to the town to buy food. 9 The woman of Samaria said to Him, “You are a Jew. I am of Samaria. Why do You ask me for a drink when the Jews have nothing to do with the people of Samaria?”

10 Jesus said to her, “You do not know what God has to give. You do not know Who said to you, ‘Give Me a drink.’ If you knew, you would have asked Him. He would have given you living water.” 11 The woman said to Him, “Sir, the well is deep. You have nothing to get water with. Where will You get the living water? 12 Are You greater than our early father Jacob? He gave us the well. He and his children and his cattle drank from it.”

13 Jesus said to her, “Whoever drinks this water will be thirsty again. 14 Whoever drinks the water that I will give him will never be thirsty. The water that I will give him will become in him a well of life that lasts forever.”

15 The woman said, “Sir, give me this water so I will never be thirsty. Then I will not have to come all this way for water.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Go call your husband and come back.” 17 The woman said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said, “You told the truth when you said, ‘I have no husband.’ 18 You have had five husbands. The one you have now is not your husband. You told the truth.”

19 The woman said to Him, “Sir, I think You are a person Who speaks for God. 20 Our early fathers worshiped on this mountain. You Jews say Jerusalem is the place where men should worship.”

21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me. The time is coming when you will not worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. 22 You people do not know what you worship. We Jews know what we worship. It is through the Jews that men are saved from the punishment of their sins. 23 The time is coming, yes, it is here now, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father wants that kind of worshipers. 24 God is Spirit. Those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and in truth.”

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Change Happens

When I was a kid my family traveled a lot singing gospel, my dad LOVED music and wanted me to learn so he showed me chords and kinda the basics in his spare time. Once I started getting the hang of it, I decided "I'm NOT going to be like my dad who worked two jobs and did music in his spare time (which wasn't much)" Life doesn't always go the way you want. When I was young I was sure I'd be a musician, play with the best, travel and see new and far away places, and let's not forget the girls. I wanted to be a Rock Star! I dreamt and daydreamed about it as I watched MTV. No one knew it was my dream, my goal, a private ambition only I knew. As I grew older I found this girl and she helped change my tastes, as she loved country music. At first I thought WHO could like this stuff but as any other teenage boy, you like what the pretty girl likes, so country it was. I got a truck, wrangler jeans, a cowboy hat and started listening to country all because of her. When she wasn't around I was still a rocker. After high school I focused on what the rest of the family liked, Gospel. So we started traveling quite a bit, this is the music I was raised on and since our family had traveled doing this my entire life it felt normal, so at 18, I joined a band that wanted to travel full time, I jumped on the bus and went. The longest trip out was 23 days and after doing this for about 2 years and going broke I left them and came back home. It wasn't long until I had the itch to go again, but it was hit and miss. Then my uncle and I started traveling and was doing okay, we went to Nashville to record a record, traveled a bunch but nothing seemed to work so I quit the whole thing.

Along this time, my kids were getting old enough to get interested in music, so I started training them to play and love music. Just like my dad showed me, chords, and kinda the basics, then it hit me, I had went through life avoiding being my dad who worked all the time and showing me music in his spare time to being just like him working all the time and loving music. Sometimes change is hard a real uphill battle and sometimes it just sneaks up on ya. I wonder if dad ever wanted to be a rock star?

Proverbs 17: 6 Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

The death of any loved parent is an incalculable lasting blow. Because no one over loves you again like that. -Brenda Ueland